so as you can see there's three of us standing here. Tom asked each of us to be best man and we went along with it
I didn't tell Tom that it's generally accepted that you don't use 'best' when describing more than one thing and that the plural of 'man' is not 'man'. Getting through 36 years of life as the son of an English teacher so blissfully ignorant of elementary grammar shows the sort of commitment that it's probably best not to question.
Of course Tom isn't known for being overly concerned with practical matters. About the kindest thing you could say about Tom's organisational skills is that he shows a healthy disinterest in trivia, complicated by an usually inclusive definition of what constitutes trivia.
From his comprehensive catalogue of adult mishaps, we can infer that for Tom, 'trivia' includes his wallet and keys, his passport and phone; plans he's made, local laws, national laws, his own health, the roadworthiness of any vehicle he's in, and whether he can get to the nearest toilet in time to avoid having an accident of the pooey kind in the supermarket.
And so to all of you who helped make today happen, I want to say 'thank you' on Tom's behalf (will flesh this out). I wasn't here for the preparations, but I know that today really would have been impossible without you. People use that phrase a lot but rarely is it so apt as when witnessing the miracle of Tom, in the right place at the right time, fully and correctly dressed, with clean underwear. So X, Y and Z for your contributions to today, I want to say a heartfelt 'thank you' on behalf of the groom. He will never be able to repay you for what you've all done. I mean that both metaphorically with reference to the intensity of his gratitude, and literally, because the chance of you ever meeting him and his wallet in the same place is effectively zero.
Great start!
ReplyDeleteI have jotted down some ideas -
Common themes / examples as also alluded to above re disorganisation, losing things, lateness, scruffiness etc - will flesh out a bit tonight and post - need to get to work now!
Thanks, Will.
Ok, here are some thoughts:
ReplyDeleteEssentials to put in:
Compliment the bridesmaids and Soph
Bridesmaids are: Sarah Hill, Lynne Wood, Susie Greeley
Thank the parents for "helping make this possible" – Payment breakdown: both families contributing, sophs parents more so, and a fair bit from Tom and Soph.
Family members:
Tom parents - Piers and Vanessa Coryndon
Soph parents - Paul and Moya Greeley
My Siblings - Helena, Peter, Emma
Sophs siblings - Justin, Andrew, Susie
I like the theme so far: i.e. tom is useless and unreliable in the little things but a gem in the big things that matter.
His outstanding personality traits:
Loyalty and reliability wrt to friends and family
Kindness
Calm/chilled/relaxed to the point of recumbencey (useful if ironic wrt his job), Modesty “a modest man with little to be modest about”
Tolerance (certainly of me over the years)
Good anecdotes/themes:
Episodes of forgetfulness: forgetting bindings/lift pass on way to slopes etc, song by Nephew: “Tommy Gunn, Tommy Gunn, he doesn’t know where his keys have gone…”
Tom BOC (tom was regarded as “best on campus” by most girls. He hated the nickname! Fits in with modesty.
Literally, effortlessly cool: despite wearing torn and manky clothes and wearing George Smiley glasses everyone thought Tom was the coolest dude in town (even cooler than Will) – again, why he wanted to hang out with me, the most uncool person at med school, is amusing. The glasses also earned him the name “NHS Tom” – this was seen as cool as well for some reason. These glasses (like all his glasses broke – he repaired the missing temple (the side bit) with a packet of extra (green) chewing gum to balance them. Unfortunately, he gradually ate the chewing gum thus nullifying his efforts over time.
He did eventually graduate to contact lenses although these often had to be inserted and particularly removed by me.
Tom’s eclective taste in sandwiches: I don't think I ever saw him buy a sandwick other than chees ham and mayo. He also made himself a soft boiled egg sandwich every day on a piece of toast with ketchup.
I personally irritated and infuriated him more than anything I can think of – many stories
There is an excellent story about our one dalliance with Capoeira where instead of “dancing” and pretending to fight as part of this beautiful historic and synchronized Brazilian tradition, he just walked up and kicked his partner in the nuts – there was a very long and most wonderful silence filled only by the agonized moans and grunts of his victim. We didn’t go back (boexercise instead).
Long running bet with our friend Nim about who would get their license first. Tom won against the odds but promptly lost his license within six months.
He crashed his Vauxhall Astra in very amusing circumstances in the countryside (ended up backwards in a field of cows and had to wait for a local farmer to disinterestedly trundle up and tow him out with a tractor)
He wowed the Yahs at Why not club in Edinburgh with his every so street breakdancing skills
There are others – will add more…
Thanks Alex: great work. you've got more than enough material so I reckon you can just choose the bits you want to run with and work with those.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting a bit panicky that we're quite close to the day now, so please excuse me if i come across bossy. Just want to get a rough map of the speech laid out ASAP.
Flow wise, I'm happy if you are to start with the revised version of my intro above, and do the 'thanks' part of the speech. As i understand it we're only thanking the parents and those who've helped set up the day, and the guests for being there. I don't think we should - or meaningfully can - mention the siblings, so I'll suggest to Tom that he covers that in his speech.
Formalities wise, that leaves the complimenting of the maids and bride, and the proposing of the toast. I reckon we should take one formality each. Assuming you two are okay with me goign first, do you have a preference for when each of you go? Will, Alex mentioned that you were pretty keen to do a minimum of talking. Is that still the case?
For me, after the bit above, I have some jokes about multiple best men as a trend, which I can leave in or out as time requires.
After that I don't know how sincere to be. Don't want to ridicule Tom too much (is that even a thing?), but - as the overall flow of the best man's speech is best if it goes from funny to sincere - It would probably make sense for me to minimise sentimentality in favour of jokes, and whoever goes last to maybe do the opposite? The person in the middle would have the most leeway i think. I know the least about Tom and Sofia's relationship of the three of us, I'd imagine, so it makes sense for that to be the order, but it does mean whoever goes last would have the burden of getting gooey. Don't know how you guys feel about that….
Great ideas so far
ReplyDeleteHave got a few more from me and following chat w friends and Sophia
Sorry been so hectic at work and w babybut can work on this tomorrow
Disorganised
ReplyDeleteLosing things
Scruffy
Losing passport for melt festival in Berlin
- turning up at end after everything had finished and people going home
- turning house upside down - eventually found his passport in cd case ? Flattened to dry out - had put cd back in his collection
Mobile phones
- Impossible to get hold of as constantly losing mobile phones
- Numbers I have for him include tom, tom new, Tom new new, tom also. Tom again, tom c
- occ reverting back to old numbers
- people bypass tom altogether & speak to Sophia - plan w Sophia to locate , arrange etc
Scruffy-
A&E senior registrar/consultant
-Insists on wearing revolting jeans huge rips holes around knees
- much to annoyance of Sophia
Bangface festival
Resourceful
- made own costume - weird fly - only one of us to be put on website
Even on his own stag
Late
- own stag do missed train for
- lost keys for after party at his house
Cars / moped
?long time to pass test
?car crashes - few in quick succession
Wrecks of cars / kept breaking down
Lightweight
- vomiting a lot
- blade way
- can not drink much
- standard vomiting
Pissing himself at sonar
- no toilets
Disorganised / scattered approach to speech
- Jump about chronologically
- in true tom s style disorganised in structure of speech
TV star in casualty documentary
A&E filming
- looking rather pasty
- saving someone s life
- feeling unwell following night out
Various hair styles despite having no hair
?ibiza missing flights
?unphased by working hours , Rota
Shifts - horrendous , after night out
Loyal
Section on tom and Sophia
- frenetic Sophia challenge
- very nice opposite attracts
- Sophia's level of organisation unsurpassed
No key ever at Dublin St - relied on people letting him in
Falling asleep in exam - snoring disturbing others and asked to leave by vigilator - but got 98%
Italy holiday with Sophia
Tom left his bag by tree
Drove off to another city - windy road
Long drive many hours - got
Email from hotel in sienna - had left mobile phone in room
need to speak to Sophia
Would always need to borrow Security card at hospital (would have to leave 'deposit' so people would return card - would always leave his keys so he would remember to take security card back otherwise couldn't get in at home - unfortunately this did not work - would always get home to Central london having left keys at hospital
Loses so many bank cards
Went into RBS bank to get another card
The woman at RBS Showed tom computer screen from past 2 years - showed all replacement a cards filling page - had to scroll down to another page and another page
Mum can't find house phone.
Tom
Had brought back to london
ReplyDelete- Tom is amazing at spending hours meticulously building a cheese sandwich from the most boring ingredients possible.
- He would never, ever offer anyone the last piece of cheese or slice of bread from the fridge, (not even Soph).
- His NHS, black-rimmed glasses (held together with sellotape) that he wore in 1st year.
- The fact that he was apparently named "TOMBOC" (Best On Campus) by some girls in 1st year - in spite of the glasses.
- The way he watches tv when he doesn't have his glasses on - with those little pin-hole shapes that he makes with his fingers...
- The fact that he is a consultant and still wears shorts with holes in the crotch and t-shirts with holes in the armpits.
- He has a photographic memory for medicine related stuff and interesting facts, yet he can't ever remember to charge his phone or brush his teeth.
Things that show how much he loves Soph:
- When I first invited Sophia to Edinburgh, it was under the premise that she would probably get on very well with my friend ALEX.
- Tom's feedback to me (after pulling Soph for the 1st time) was something along the lines of "It's awkward"!!
- Actually bothering to tidy/clean his room in on Dublin Street whenever she came to visit (or is that a bit too risqué for the Catholics?!)
- Always being the driver when we were visiting the vineyards in Chianti and South Africa.
- Acting as her getaway driver when she was volunteering in the township in Cape Town.
Will, this is banging stuff! cheers man. Also works really well with the flow if you maybe go third? Seems like you have the most stuff that ties the couple together in that 'opposites attract' kind of way.
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking the time. I have no idea - yet - how hard it must be to get anything done with a baby. herculean effort.
Also, i notice that we each have a nickname with an embarrassing story - I have 'shipman', alex has 'tommy gun', and you have tomboc. REckon that's a nice intro into the periods we're going to deal with.
cool. outt he door now. will get a draft together int he next day or so of my bits and get them up here.
here is some stuff ive written - for the end and also bits to fit in wherever nec - see what you think, alex also written some stuff - once all added - we can think about structure etc.
ReplyDeleteWorking as junior doctors, Alex and I soon realised that dealing with patients was actually bloody hard work. Therefore we made the rather sensible choice to scuttle off to niche specialties involving minimal or no patient contact – in Alex’s case his patients are usually heavily anaesthetised, and in my case they are sadly deceased – for those that don’t me, I would like to clarify that I am a pathologist and not the next Harold Shipman. In Toms case, however, he chose the sharpest end of Medicine known to mankind, toiling selflessly at the coal-face, in Accident and Emergency medicine - in this specialty, you are actually helping patients in an immediate and often life-saving way. And despite all of his many shortcomings, as we have highlighted thus far, Tom is actually very good at his job. He has gained the respect of his A&E colleagues, both junior and senior, being very highly regarded by his peers. So much so, that he was in the lucky position of being offered various consultant A&E positions at reputable London university hospitals. Unfortunately, however, Tom has shunned these offers, and instead is rinsing the NHS, working as a locum A&E consultant on eye-watering Daily-Mail-headline-grabbing hourly rates. This of course to fund his and Sophia’s lavish lifestyle and holiday schedule.
ReplyDeleteOne of Tom’s opportunities to shine on national television was coverage of his expert management, in real time, of a life-threatening stab wound as part of the programme ‘’24 hours in A&E’’. This showcased his incredible skill and calm approach - even more impressive considering his excess the night before, which was evident in his sweaty and pasty appearance.
Another example of Tom’s inability to keep track of any vital documentation, was illustrated by a group holiday to the Melt techno Festival outside of Berlin. Unfortunately, Tom had misplaced his passport. Sophia expecting the inevitable, flew out with the rest of the group, leaving Tom at home desperately searching the flat. Three days later, the party definitely over, and the site being mostly vacated, Tom rocks up having eventually found his passport inside a random CD case. When quizzed about this rather unorthodox approach to filing, it transpired that he used the CD case to flatten his sodden passport – the soaking of which remains unknown, He had then returned the CD case into his vast, eclectic collection & subsequently forgotten about it. All was not lost however, as Tom and Sophia spent a lovely few days together in Berlin after the festival. This was in spite of the fact that half of Sophia’s face had been severely sunburnt after she fell asleep by the side of her tent for several hours in scorching sunlight. The result was an unusual ‘Phantom of the Opera’-esque appearance.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately these traits – lateness and losing things, show no sign of abaiting. Even on his own stag-do a few weekends ago – Tom missed the train to his own party & later on, just to top things off, having invited everyone back to his flat for an afterparty, realized on the way, that he did not actually have his house keys. & it was only the kindness of our friend Ed Cotton, that the drinking could continue elsewhere in an appropriate fashion.
Having said all of this & having known the newly married couple for many years, it is quite evident that the YING and the YANG theory of “opposite’s attract” holds true. Sophia’s attention to detail, organizational skills, and enthusiasm for life compliments Tom’s kind, relaxed and patient ‘laissez-faire’ approach. In this way, they compliment each other perfectly.
They are warm, giving, thoughtful and supportive of both each other and of their friends and family. I can say that they are 2 people that truly have integrity a non-judgemental attitude. These are the qualities that bind and they are undoubtedly, a formidable team. For for this reason we are all so glad they found each other and have today made looking after Tom a legally binding commitment. And so please can I ask you all to charge your glasses and toast the newly married couple, Mr and Mrs Coryndon!